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Self Help

by Future Teens

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1.
It’s that time of year again We’ve got to keep the water running Or else the pipes will freeze It’s colder in my living room Than it is outside No matter when I get out of bed I’ll still be this tired I’m always Halfway between asleep and up all night Glued to dirty sheets whether or not I like Around 4am I’m hearing voices But nothing scares me anymore I know it’s just That time of day again Too much better than I’ve been I’ll scan eBay for a while Bid on a ton of items Start projects left and right Then abandon them tonight This might not be what good feels like But at least I’m not so fucking tired I’m always Halfway between asleep and up all night Glued to dirty sheets whether or not I like Around 4am I’m hearing voices But nothing scares me anymore I know it’s just New medication reacting to My reticence to accept the truth Got a lifetime of error ahead of me Trial that might not change anything Whoever said “just get some exercise” Has clearly never, ever tried To claw out of their own damn body Planned a route to their own exit sign Barely held on ‘til their next appointment Couldn’t eat and went to bed for dinner Spent a holiday weekend in borrowed clothes And those socks that help you grip the floor They’ve never been Halfway between asleep and up all night Glued to dirty sheets whether or not I like Around 4am I’m hearing voices But nothing scares me anymore I know it’s just New medication reacting to My reticence to accept the truth Got a lifetime of error ahead of me Trial that might not change anything Living and dying by a routine It’s just a disorder, not a disease Still get a nice, long life, if I’m lucky
2.
Good Reason 02:38
I’m starting to believe it’s magic When somebody can’t imagine If it didn’t happen to you It doesn’t make it less true I know it’s an act to try and balance Commiseration and empathic absence Lean too hard on either side and we’ll all have a real bad time But it’s all just part of a plan Just try and do the best that you can And know that everything that happens Is for some goddamn good reason I’m still thinking of a way to say it That won’t just come off as so outdated Do unto others still might fit unless you treat yourself like shit But if it’s all just part of a plan I’ll try and do the best that I can And hope that everything that happens Is for some goddamn good reason Sometimes life feels like being on late night drive Where someone’s taken the exit signs Replaced your headlamps with flashlights And you’re just trying to get somewhere and not die But it’s all part of a plan Just try and do the best that you can Pretend that everything that happens Is for some goddamn good reason
3.
Well Enough 03:24
I smoked a cigarette in a social setting Just wanted to fit in I’ve got my vices But this is one I didn't have the guts to try in high school It just made me cough, feel like shit the next day I tried again and I threw up immediately I grew up trying to stay straight laced Look how much good that did I drank at least six days this week But still don’t go to parties I keep saying I’ll change once I finish this last case But there’s bottles in the cabinet That I don’t want to waste So I'm sipping on a scotch I hate My reward for getting through today I did nothing but skip another meal and walk Around a Target No matter what I try I can’t soothe the shame from last night I’m too worn out to help myself Oh well I called it self care, claimed treating myself My friends affirmed my newfound health I’m just as sad as ever, indignant as I was When they staged an intervention At a comedy show on the Seaport years ago And I'm still sipping scotch I hate My reward for getting through today I did nothing but skip another meal and walk around a Target No matter what I try I can’t soothe the shame from last night I’m too run down to help myself Oh well Have another, have some more You’re fine, it’s all under control Have another, just one more I’ll be choking down a scotch I hate ‘cause I barely made it through today I did nothing but skip another meal and walk around a Target Why bother, why try I’ll still be ashamed of tonight I’m too fucked up To help myself Oh well Too hungover To get better To get well
4.
Why am I so addicted to my cell phone? It’s not telling me anything I don’t know Just that I’m anxious and bored Wish I could be someone who doesn’t constantly need To seek out their self esteem From what other people think of me And while I’m waiting patiently I’m comparing myself to What the younger hotter people do But I mean it when I say I waste my time in the best way Even on the days that I enjoy this Feels pointless but I guess I could be somebody else entirely Comb my hair and smile with my teeth Get a job that actually makes money Forget happiness eventually But if that’s how it was I’m pretty sure I’d have less fun Cause I mean it when I say I waste my time in the best way Trying to add some point to what feels Pointless so pointless But I guess I could go somewhere else A vacation from myself Am I at the point where I’m supposed to ask for help?
5.
BYOB 03:46
I think I finally get What my sister meant When she asked, “what’s the point In being up ‘til 4am if you’re not drinking?” It’s been ten years since then And I’m just four days deep Into trying my best To take off the edge Without drowning it In another fifth I can stop it’s not a problem Feeling best when I feel nothing It’s not so bad here at the bottom Feeling best when I feel nothing I think I finally get That monthly tradition Waking up on the first And calling out for rabbits’ help in wishful thinking Mine’s a bit different Before I go to bed I write down all the things That make me want to keep This streak alive For another ninth Is it coping or a problem? Feeling best when I feel nothing Getting worse here at the bottom Feeling best when I feel nothing Move the goalposts just enough then Feeling best when I feel nothing If you bring your old bullshit You’ll just be your own bad luck You can be your own burden Won’t be worth betting on If I bring my old bullshit I’ll just be my own bad luck I can be my own burden Won’t be worth betting on No one’s fault but it’s my problem Feeling best when I feel nothing How long have I been at the bottom Feeling best when I feel nothing Still rolling out of bed each morning Feeling best when I feel nothing Taking wins where I can get ‘em Feeling bad, at least it’s something
6.
Stress Dream 03:23
Get up get out Put on some pants and leave the house Do some errands just to drive around Anything to feel productive now What was I talking about? I can’t stay focused on what I had started to Did I just get bored halfway through cleaning my room Cause suddenly I’m in the kitchen eating some food On one hand it seems Don’t have the time to do what I need On the other I find I’m looking up which Lawrence brother died Turns out they’re all alive And I’m glad to see that they’re all right But now back to the task at hand Goddamnit what was it I was doing again? I can’t stay focused on what I had started to Did I just get bored halfway through cleaning my room Cause suddenly I’m on my bed stress reading the news Not productive just something to do I can’t be thinking of my life how I used to Measuring my worth in daylight hours I use Cause suddenly it’s dark and there’s so much left to do There’ll be time like the present some other day soon
7.
Team Sports 03:32
They just have to ask, “Are you doing okay? Your hair’s changed a lot since I saw you last” I shrug it off I resent the implication that I must be in pain if something’s different Lately I’m not doing great But what’s my haircut have to do with anything? I’ll talk it out At my appointment later Til then I’ve got Some things to stew on I’m not alright Or on my best behavior Can we just drop it? That’s not what friends are for They never ask “Are you really okay? Did you sleep? Did you eat? Did you crash your bike again?” It’s best that way But I wish we could just talk about The kinds of pain We inflict on ourselves Lately I could use a hand But I’m not sure how to ask for it I’ll talk it out At my appointment later Til then I’ve got Some things to stew on I’m not alright Or on my best behavior Can we just drop it? That’s not what friends are for Could there be comfort in the healing Or will the hurt stay a linchpin of my feelings? We’re all just looking for a safe place to spiral Why not make a team sport out of survival? Are you doing okay? Are you really okay? I’ll talk it out At my appointment later Til then i’ve got So much to stew on I’m not alright Or on my best behavior Can we just drop it?
8.
Did I finally start to figure it out? Who the hell I wanted to be by now Somebody that can actually laugh At things they did cause they were sad like When I found myself alone at school Wishing somebody would think I’m cool Enough to sit down across from me Stare in my eyes and watch me eat I thought it’d easy to find someone as hungry But remember what your sister said “If you look for someone just as different Well then not every part is going to fit It’s not either or to give up or give in” Nothing happened for a while then Got conflicting advice from all my friends Who told me I should go And date someone I already know Really well but not too close Cause when that ends it really blows But I remember what my sister said “If you look for someone just as different Well then not every part is going to fit It’s not either or to give up or give in” Give up or give in Spent so long beside myself Couldn’t imagine me with someone else Who’ll sit down next to me Turns out I hadn’t saved a seat It’s simple but isn’t easy To make some room for somebody
9.
Real Change 03:18
Who cares If you’re feeling like a fraud? I swear We’re all somebody we’re not I’m finally closer to content with this brain that I’ve got But it only takes a day to fuck up I’m so tired And sick of letting myself down Of running late when I leave the house And leaving when I should stick around Is it too late Once the feeling has been felt For real change? And this high standard doesn’t help I can give out good advice but just not to myself It’s like trying to kiss your own mouth I’m so tired And sick of letting myself down Of running late when I leave the house And leaving when I should stick around And at the end of a long day spent looking at my phone I tell myself I’m productive as long as I don’t Stay up too late tonight i won’t but it’s four in the morning and I’m tired And sick of letting myself down Of running late when I leave the house And leaving when I should stick around Now the sun’s out As if it knew what I needed Something to feel without seeing Maybe this time I’ll believe it
10.
Going Pains 03:08
It’s gonna feel so good to miss you To have this bed to myself To go somewhere new and do something cool And know you’re all set somewhere else There are days it’s much harder And sometimes you feel farther But I know that you’re working I know you’re just fine You’ve got your own things I’ve got mine I’m so glad to be gone Even when it all sucks And your life moves along It’s a gift to be gone Looking forward to being bored Sprawling out on old friends’ basement floors Burritos again, it’s the third time this week Might as well just get takeout when I’m only feeding me I’m still glad to be gone Even when it all sucks And if life doesn’t stop We’ll make it a gift to be gone When going pains us this long We’ll say it’s a gift to be gone ‘til it feels true enough

credits

released September 23, 2022

Future Teens is:
Amy Hoffman - Guitar / Vocals
Colby Blauvelt - Drums
Daniel Radin - Guitar / Vocals
Maya Mortman - Bass

Additional performances by:
Andy D. Park - Synths / Keys
Dan Campbell - Vocals on BYOB & Team Sports

Songs and Lyrics by Amy Hoffman and Daniel Radin
Music by Future Teens

Recorded at Gradwell House by Andy D. Park
Additional recording at Brighton Hills West by Daniel Radin

Produced & Mixed by Andy D. Park
Additional Engineering by Dom Maggi
Mastered by Ed Brooks
Art by Werewolf Girlfriend
Management by Dan Campbell for Lesser Matters
US Booking by Alex Martin for Sequel Music Group
UK/Europe Booking by Matt Hanner for Runway Artists

Thanks

Our families, friends, therapists, and everyone else we’ve ever asked for help.

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Future Teens Boston, Massachusetts

future teens is amy, daniel, maya and colby. they are a bummer pop band from boston.

[booking by amartin@sequelmusicgroup.com]

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